I woke up Tuesday morning still thinking about what Marianne had said about the pretzels and eating in general. I sent her an email before bed on Monday night informing her of what I was not willing to do. And how I was not into preparing food, I wanted Grab and Go stuff. I told her of my general food plan and how it was working for me and that I was happy with what I was doing.
She really had me thinking about stuff I thought I had already settled in my mind. It makes me angry when I start to rethink stuff that I have settled already and start to doubt myself. Damn she was good, she was already influencing me and challenging me, who knew this was part of her job or she took the time to make it part of her job. I must admit I knew nothing about personal trainers. I figured they were just people who liked working out and started working people and it became their job. Okay lame I know and I really mean no disrespect to these professionals. The ones I have met so far are all certified and have studied to be Personal Trainers. They all know their stuff.
I sent her this email this afternoon that said I was really mad at her, I toned it down from I hate you right now. That was probably a good idea as she said that she gasped when she read it until she got past the first line. I said " I am really mad at you at this point, because you are making me think about stuff I promised myself I would not think about."
Here is the rest of the email.
"I had pretty much decided that I would do weight watchers and that would be my food control portion of my overall plan. And that I would not do anything drastic like No Caffeine, no beef, no refined sugar etc. Been there done that and have been successful for a long period of time and kept the weight off for more than a year.
But alas I have always gained it back and 20 to 40 more lbs than I weighed before, but it has not happened overnight either. So this time I wanted it to be the VERY LAST time I have to lose it. When I lost it 12 years ago that was the LAST TIME so this is the VERY LAST TIME.
So after yesterday and you said NO PRETZELS, wow that was harsh. They are a staple of mine. Honestly. (Stop Cringing) and you said eat protein so I did not eat a dinner last night I ate a chicken breast. And I did not have a diet soft drink with dinner either I had water with lemon.
I hate that. I was not prepared to want to do that part again. But I feel myself getting sucked into that Vortex of really getting hardcore about the foods I eat. And I really dread that because then when I eat bad I will feel really really crappy and that will diminish all the enjoyment of eating Nachos, Pizza, McDonalds and anything fried and greasy.
But I can see where eating better will enhance the training I am doing and get better results. (I see this taking over my life and this is after only 2 sessions)
I was thinking of committing to 100 sessions. That is a nice round number and at 3 a week should take me 33 weeks out. Do you think I should be able to accomplish my goals in 99 more sessions? If not how many? It is not like I plan on quitting after 100. I figure I will have to do maintenance for life in order to not gain it back. "
So as you can see I was starting to come to the realization that I was going to have to change my eating to get the most out of this. And while I was coming to the realization, I was having a really tough time psyching myself up to make that commitment. I really did not want to give up the easy way of Weight Watchers where as long as I had enough points I could eat what I wanted, McDonalds, Mexican, Alcohol and ice cream. I did not want this to painful or hard, but I knew in my heart that anything worth having or doing was hard. There was no easy button in this battle that would have long term lasting power. The more I did not say adios and sayanora to the bad habits and bad foods, the easier it would be to slip back into those old habits again.
It was hard for me to really focus on work stuff because of all the emotions Marianne had awaken in me about the food choices I was making. Damn her! I never thought about quitting or anything, because it had been so fun so far. But I really only signed up for a personal trainer and not a nutritionalist nor a life balance coach. Evidently I did not read all of the fine print thoroughly enough, because that is what I got in Marianne, the complete package. And why wouldn't I take advantage of all she had to offer.
I had asked her on Monday should I be doing anything outside of our workouts and she mentioned Cardio on my own. Well I have to admit that I really did not know what Cardio on my own was and I did not bother to ask. I thought I would walk on my own when I got home tonight, but I had a Humane Society meeting and it was about 9 pm and raining cats and dogs when I got home so I decided to get on the Life Shaper in my office. I changed into my shorts and marched on up there and plopped my fat butt on it. Dang that thing was hard and it hurt my shoulders. I did it for all of about 90 seconds and decided maybe this was not cardio maybe it really was more like strength training. And as I recall in the small fine print that I did remember that I was not supposed to really do stuff outside. (I am sure I am only remembering what I want, it was more like not workout with another trainer or at another facility with out informing the trainer) But I was looking for an out. And I was a little afraid of messing up something that we were doing together so I would check with Marianne about what Cardio on my own really meant.
I am sure I am the most clueless person she has ever trained, but she was patient and never really let on that she thought my questions were lame. But I felt like I was compliant client and not a whiner, I never want to be a whiner and I hope if I ever became one she would call me out on it. But I still felt like I needed to do something no matter how small or minimal. This Cardio on my own had to be part of the new FIT Pam and I was going to have to be disciplined about it no matter what obstacles lay in my way. So I decided to walk up and down the stairs of the house. I told myself that I would do up and down 5 times. Wow after 3 I wanted to stop, but I could not start out short changing myself. I need to set a goal for myself and barring something really horrific happening I needed to achieve that goal. It was so cute, Millie B the little beagle did it with me. She would follow me up to the top of the stairs then as I started back down she would as well. I am sure she thought I was crazy.
The whole 5 or 8 minutes I was doing the stairs I felt guilty. If I had been fitter when we moved into this house in Feb 2009 I could have been more help to Brad. He never said anything but carrying boxes up those 20 stairs killed me and totally winded me. It was not so much the carrying but the stairs. At one point I thought I was going to die after about 3 trips or maybe I just wished I would die. And I only did about 20 to 25 % of the trips that Brad did. Good thing he is such a trooper. I am sure I dilly dallied and found every excuse not to take stuff upstairs or take lots of time between my trips.
But I really had to focus on the present and the future. I could not change the past. But I could get fit and be able to help him more in the future with stuff like that.
I was starting to realize there was a lot more to getting fit than going to the personal trainer for 30 minutes 3 times a week. I was also coming to the realization that I had only given lip service to lifestyle change the other times I had lost weight and claimed to be making a lifestyle change.
Until Next Time
Keep Fit
Pam
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday with Marianne - The First Full Session
Wow I awoke all excited and jumped out of bed when the alarm clock went off on Monday August 3rd 2009. This was the day I was going to work out with Marianne for 30 minutes (or however long they really make you go the first time) and do some more Cardio on the Bike. I was going to be happy with 11 minutes and work my way up. I mean I was totally unfit and out of shape so I am sure she would not expect me to go the entire 30 minutes and 15 minutes of Cardio on top of that as well. I mean that would be just Brutal. I figured we would go 20 minutes tops and work our way up over the next few weeks to the full 30 minutes. Okay yes, I still had ROOKIE across my forehead. But I was excited and pumped none the less.
Monday is my weigh in day so as soon as I got out of bed I ran upstairs to weigh. Oops roadblock. Using all those points over the weekend, meant I did not lose any weight that week. Well I immediately started rationalizing it, I was bound to have a week when my body was catching up. After all I had been losing steadily for several weeks, it only made sense that once in a while I would have a down week. I was blaming every thing but the real culprit.
I kind of blew it off, thinking well I am going to be working out with Marianne this week 3 times, surely that will be good for a lb or 2 next week. And if I was a bit more faithful and did not use all of my WW Points then I would be back on track.
I went to work and watched the clock the entire day. The only person at work I had told was Brandon. I did not want to have to field 100 questions from everybody. And I did not want everyone to know if I did not follow through with it. What if I could not do it, what if it was too hard. What if it was not fun, I mean maybe I was too old at 45 to get fit. I figured if I did not tell a lot of people then I would have to explain myself when I quit. I should say I did not plan on quitting, but you know it was a real possibility that I would get into this and it would be beyond my ability. Or I would not have the staying power to see this through.
In the past I had purchased a bike, a treadmill and the Total Gym 2000. I used the bike sparingly then gave it away to someone with a health issue. I used the treadmill regularly for like maybe 3 weeks or 4 weeks, then I started to get sore and I stopped because I thought I had injured something. The Total Gym 2000 remains as an expensive reminder to myself to never order any exercise equipment off of TV ever again. I have never ever used it. Brad begs me to let us get rid of it. He is the only one to ever get a workout from it as I have him move from room to room on the times I thought okay I am going to finally use it. He has so far resisted my pleas to move it to the new house.
When my first husband and I bought the treadmill we fought for 2 months over what to buy. I wanted it a Nordic Trac because I thought skiing would be fun. He wanted a treadmill. I finally gave in, because when we did not use whatever we bought I did not want to be held responsible. Because I knew he would say if we had gotten what I wanted I would have used it. The final chapter in the saga was written when were divorcing and actually fought over who was going to get the treadmill. Mind you this was the treadmill that neither of us had used in months. I knew we had reached a new pinnacle in our pettiness at this point. Fighting over items neither of us used but did not want the other to have. I won and later sold the treadmill.
So I had a history of starting to exercise and quitting, very early on. Especially, when it got hard, inconvenient or I got lazy. And while I was counting on working with a professional like Marianne to make all the difference in the world, I did not know for sure. And I did not know what to expect from me or from her.
Monday is my weigh in day so as soon as I got out of bed I ran upstairs to weigh. Oops roadblock. Using all those points over the weekend, meant I did not lose any weight that week. Well I immediately started rationalizing it, I was bound to have a week when my body was catching up. After all I had been losing steadily for several weeks, it only made sense that once in a while I would have a down week. I was blaming every thing but the real culprit.
I kind of blew it off, thinking well I am going to be working out with Marianne this week 3 times, surely that will be good for a lb or 2 next week. And if I was a bit more faithful and did not use all of my WW Points then I would be back on track.
I went to work and watched the clock the entire day. The only person at work I had told was Brandon. I did not want to have to field 100 questions from everybody. And I did not want everyone to know if I did not follow through with it. What if I could not do it, what if it was too hard. What if it was not fun, I mean maybe I was too old at 45 to get fit. I figured if I did not tell a lot of people then I would have to explain myself when I quit. I should say I did not plan on quitting, but you know it was a real possibility that I would get into this and it would be beyond my ability. Or I would not have the staying power to see this through.
In the past I had purchased a bike, a treadmill and the Total Gym 2000. I used the bike sparingly then gave it away to someone with a health issue. I used the treadmill regularly for like maybe 3 weeks or 4 weeks, then I started to get sore and I stopped because I thought I had injured something. The Total Gym 2000 remains as an expensive reminder to myself to never order any exercise equipment off of TV ever again. I have never ever used it. Brad begs me to let us get rid of it. He is the only one to ever get a workout from it as I have him move from room to room on the times I thought okay I am going to finally use it. He has so far resisted my pleas to move it to the new house.
When my first husband and I bought the treadmill we fought for 2 months over what to buy. I wanted it a Nordic Trac because I thought skiing would be fun. He wanted a treadmill. I finally gave in, because when we did not use whatever we bought I did not want to be held responsible. Because I knew he would say if we had gotten what I wanted I would have used it. The final chapter in the saga was written when were divorcing and actually fought over who was going to get the treadmill. Mind you this was the treadmill that neither of us had used in months. I knew we had reached a new pinnacle in our pettiness at this point. Fighting over items neither of us used but did not want the other to have. I won and later sold the treadmill.
So I had a history of starting to exercise and quitting, very early on. Especially, when it got hard, inconvenient or I got lazy. And while I was counting on working with a professional like Marianne to make all the difference in the world, I did not know for sure. And I did not know what to expect from me or from her.
I was really looking forward to 4:30 coming, which is when I needed to leave to get to the Gym by 5:30. I had my plan I would leave and go to the Minit Mart across the street and change into my gym attire. If I changed at the office I was going to have to answer questions and I did not want to do that. The fact I was leaving at 4:30 was suspicious enough, I am what some might call a workaholic. Marianne had told me at the previous session I could do my cardio before or after we trained together, but that if I was her last appointment of the night then I had to do it before. Well I had planned on doing it before so it would be done and I had no idea if I would be the last client of the night so I just needed to plan on doing it before.
Changing in the bathroom of the Minit Mart was awful, I would have to figure out something different from now on. It was disgusting and I felt compelled to buy something since I was using their bathroom to change it. I bought a bottle of water, I would probably be thirsty after our abbreviated session tonight and my 11 minutes of Cardio.
I was fine until I got onto the interstate to go to the Gym then I was full of doubts, what was I doing, how long could keep the charade up that I deserved to work out with a personal trainer. I mean weren't they really for fit people. They were not for out of shape unfit people like me. And what if I could not do it or it was too hard. You name a doubt I had it and I had every fear as well. I mean what if Marianne worked with me and realized I was a lost cause like my ballet teacher. Every bad experience I had ever had with physical activity was coming back to haunt me. But I kept driving towards the Gym. I still had my map quest directions in case I had forgotten how to get there. At least this time I knew where to park, I was using the parking garage, I knew where the Gym was, I should be good. Hopefully I left in plenty of time to get there and that there would not be any wrecks. I put on some music to help me stop thinking so much. I kept telling myself it would all be okay and I would do fine.
I arrived at the center where the Gym was in good time. I should have time to do my Cardio before. That was good. In these situations I tend to lose all of my self confidence for no real reason. I did not want to be too early, but did not want to be late either. I parked the car and left the garage and headed for the Gym. How much easier stuff is when you know where you are going. And it was daylight which made it a little easier. Okay so far so good. I adjusted my hat for confidence and set out. I entered the building where the Gym is and saw the elevator again. I debated for about 5 seconds on taking it or not. Better not, it is probably not the proper attitude to take the elevator up 1 floor to your session with the personal trainer. And I was afraid if Marianne saw me, she would be disappointed and think I lacked commitment to see this through and think I was wasting her time. (Turns out she would have probably made me do push ups or the treadmill, but I will never know) I figured I survived the stairs on Wednesday night surely I could survive them tonight. So up the stairs I went. I paid attention this time so I would not end up outside again. Okay wow I had not realized how far down the hall way the gym was. I was not really paying attention at all on Wednesday night. Okay I found the place, that is always good.
I peered through the door before I went in to see what was going on. There were more people in there than before, but it was okay. So I took a deep breath and opened the door. Okay I was in the Gym, that was good. And I had enough time to do my Cardio. Okay now I had to figure out where to put my stuff. In the lockers, were they reserved would I be taking a "Regulars" locker. I mean the stuff that races through my mind on occasions like these are hilarious. I ended up putting my stuff under the bench and I do it the same every time. Okay I had to remember to sign in as well. Okay not bad, I went to the place and just copied what everyone else was doing. Okay nothing awful had happened yet. Okay so now was the moment of truth. I looked across and saw the bike was not being used. Great, I had worried a bit that someone else would be using it and then I would be forced to wait or use the stair machine or the treadmill.
Now all I had to do was to work up the courage to walk across the entire Gym and get on the bike it was no big deal. I was worried about tripping and making a fool of myself and I did not really pay attention to how Marianne programmed the bike on Wednesday night. Maybe I would just wait until after our session and do my Cardio.
Just then I saw Marianne, she was working with someone. She saw me and said hi, then she said something like get on the bike or why don't you get on the bike. All I know is whatever she said at that moment gave me the courage to walk across and get on the bike. It was like she was giving me permission and it was all going to be okay.
(Now I know surely I can't be the only person who ever feels this way. Or maybe I am. All I know is if I can do this, surely anyone can overcome their fear of failure or embarrassment. I am sure Marianne will never fully understand how it seemed to me that she said the right thing at the right time for me those first few sessions. It is probably just how she is with everyone or maybe she knows how everyone feels at first and knows what to say. I can never fully express how huge her encouragement and her being non judgemental to me was.)
Okay so now I was heading across the Gym to the bike, I think there was someone on one of the treadmills as well, but no one else was over there. I got on the bike and pressed a few buttons and it seemed to be working. The seat was not really in the right position for me as I recall, but I peddled away. I did not know how to adjust it and I really did not want to have to stop and figure it out. It was doable, maybe just not really comfortable. When Marianne got finished with her client she came over and noticed the seat was not adjusted properly and had me get up while she adjusted it to the proper position and I finished out my time. I think I did the whole 15 minutes that night. Wow and on the 2nd time, but then I love the bike and I am sure I had NO Resistance on it. But it was still encouraging. I was grasping for every little bit of hope or any sign. I needed to keep believing I could do this. I never thought it would be easy, but I needed to believe it was within my reach if I worked at it and with Marianne's guidance.
As soon as I got my 15 minutes in it was time to begin. I think we started on the half ball as it is called. I have to step up with one foot then bring the other up and then step back off with the original foot. Wow a lot of thinking and making sure I am on the correct foot. Then add the instability of the ball you have to compensate with your ankles and legs to maintain balance. Marianne was spotting me and she was trying to carry on a conversation, but it was taking all of my concentration to get it all correct. I hope she did not think I was being rude. And the last thing I wanted to do was to fall and go tumbling across the floor and totally embarrass myself.
Next we did the crack the walnut with your butt cheek one again. It was nice to do something we had done before and I had survived that one so I could do it again. I think we might have done some arms as well with the weights on the pulley's. And we did the sit on the low table and stand up without having your knees cross your toes. Think maybe in the middle she had me ride the bike for 2 minutes keeping it above 70 rpms. That was probably to give me a rest but to keep me working out.
We finished the night on the mats. She had me do some leg kicks and other movements. I am sure she was trying to assess exactly how unfit I was. I am sure I was an overachiever and at the top of the pile of the unfit. While we were on the mats somehow we got to talking about what exactly I was eating. I am pretty sure I said that I was doing Weight Watchers and I was not interested in changing that. (I am sure she thought here is another uncommitted person) I mean I was losing weight doing Weight Watchers, why would I want to change. And I was not suffering at all. Heck I was eating McDonald's 3 times a week, who would not love that. Some how it got around to my snacks. She nearly had a cow, a chicken and a goat when I said I was eating pretzels as my snacks. I mean I thought I was doing good they didn't use up very many points and they were filling and I was counting them out. Well right then and now she said NO MORE PRETZELS. Wow that was kind of harsh. She said they were full of sodium, it was easy to just mindlessly eat them and they were not good for me. She encouraged me to keep a food log, I told her I was ahead of her, I logged everything I ate on my WW Online Food Tracker so I would email her my log in and she could look for herself and get back to me. She also told me I should drink more water. She was telling me all the stuff I did not want to hear.
I only wanted to train with her, I did not want her to remake what I was eating. I did not want the pain of doing with out McDonald's, Sundaes, Chocolate and all the other stuff. I told her time was of a premium to me so eating those Weight Watchers Dinners were keeping me on track they were easy, tasty and portion controlled. She said just let me look at what you are eating and make suggestions. I was okay with that. But she was making me start to think about what I was doing and what I was eating. Damn her. I was pretty sure this was not the program I signed up for. I only signed up for a personal trainer, granted I was not sure exactly that all entailed but I was finding out. We still parted friends that night. And I actually made it through the entire 30 minute session. Wow they do make you do the whole 30 at first...Amazing and even more Amazing I did it.
As I left the Gym on my way home I was able to get out the way I came in. I was even more excited overall after our session than before. Maybe I was going to be able to do this after all. I guess the telltale sign would be how sore I was tomorrow. I have always found that I am the sorest after the first 24 hours after that time it just gets better.
I had been so excited to train with Marianne, I had completely forgotten about a prescheduled call I have with a business colleague the first Monday of every month. Fortunately we were able to do it after the session. Turns out she is working on the exact opposite of my. She is very skinny and is working to build lean muscle and put on weight. So we compared notes a little, I did not have much to compare or say except that I was totally pumped and psyched about this whole thing. I promised to report more
As the night wore on, I kept replaying our food conversation in my head. I could not get it out of my mind for very long. I could hear her saying NO MORE PRETZELS. I mean how bad can some pretzels be for you. I was not happy to be revisiting the food issue and what I was eating. I had decided on June 22, 2009 that I was doing Weight Watchers Online to lose the weight, it was just going to have to be good enough, because I was not changing. I was just working out with Marianne to tone up and get fit, so what did it matter if I did weight watchers, low fat, Jenny Craig or what to lose the weight. (Okay can everyone please stop laughing uncontrollably, NOW)
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Countdown to the First Real Session with Marianne
So I was on the countdown over the weekend until Monday Night at 5:30 pm. Most of the time I was really excited and watching the clock. This was going to be a totally new adventure for me. I am not exaggerating one bit when I say I was less than athletic at this point. I was the Anti-Athlete poster child.
Or better yet the poster child for Couch Potato University. I planned my weekends by what was going to be on television. Give me a Law & Order Marathon on TNT or a World War II Marathon on the History Channel I was there. Now I might be playing on the computer while watching but I was sedentary non the less. Now at this point I was still doing WW and doing very well with it, losing weight every week, slow and steady. I was the turtle in the weight loss race and I knew I would eventually win if I just stayed in the race.
Well that weekend I used all of my points and pretty much all of my flex points due to eating Quiche, Hashbrown Casserole, Chicken Salad and pita crackers oh and the heavenly grape salad. Totally yummy and delicious.
Having company for the weekend made the time pass by fast so I did not really have time to really sit and think about the personal trainer and the resistance training. Also I did not go and google it either. I am a total research freak, I research everything from recipes to phone numbers to directions, you name it I have probably googled it. I tell everyone I do everything online, I even found my husband online.
Had I actually googled resistance training I might have gotten scared or chickened out. But I don't think so, because I knew I had to do something to ensure success and I was betting the farm on Marianne and resistance training under her direction. Oh and the 15 minutes of Cardio at the Gym.
After a full weekend, Sunday evening came. I got my little gym bag ready with all of my clothes, yes including socks. So I would not be rushed in the morning. And I would be rushed so I did not want to forget anything critical. I called and texted with Brandon for moral support. Thank goodness for him. He was so behind me 100%. And he was so positive and proud of me for trying it. But he kept saying just stick with it, don't go for a week then miss a day and give it all up. I told him I was not going to do that, I booked 2 weeks out so I could not make excuses and I would feel like I had made at least an initial commitment.
I went to bed that night all giddy and excited to begin my road to fitness. It was almost like the night before Christmas as a child. That is how excited I was.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Or better yet the poster child for Couch Potato University. I planned my weekends by what was going to be on television. Give me a Law & Order Marathon on TNT or a World War II Marathon on the History Channel I was there. Now I might be playing on the computer while watching but I was sedentary non the less. Now at this point I was still doing WW and doing very well with it, losing weight every week, slow and steady. I was the turtle in the weight loss race and I knew I would eventually win if I just stayed in the race.
Well that weekend I used all of my points and pretty much all of my flex points due to eating Quiche, Hashbrown Casserole, Chicken Salad and pita crackers oh and the heavenly grape salad. Totally yummy and delicious.
Having company for the weekend made the time pass by fast so I did not really have time to really sit and think about the personal trainer and the resistance training. Also I did not go and google it either. I am a total research freak, I research everything from recipes to phone numbers to directions, you name it I have probably googled it. I tell everyone I do everything online, I even found my husband online.
Had I actually googled resistance training I might have gotten scared or chickened out. But I don't think so, because I knew I had to do something to ensure success and I was betting the farm on Marianne and resistance training under her direction. Oh and the 15 minutes of Cardio at the Gym.
After a full weekend, Sunday evening came. I got my little gym bag ready with all of my clothes, yes including socks. So I would not be rushed in the morning. And I would be rushed so I did not want to forget anything critical. I called and texted with Brandon for moral support. Thank goodness for him. He was so behind me 100%. And he was so positive and proud of me for trying it. But he kept saying just stick with it, don't go for a week then miss a day and give it all up. I told him I was not going to do that, I booked 2 weeks out so I could not make excuses and I would feel like I had made at least an initial commitment.
I went to bed that night all giddy and excited to begin my road to fitness. It was almost like the night before Christmas as a child. That is how excited I was.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The 2nd Day After
Friday July 31st, I was not any more sore at this point than I was on Thursday. I believed I could do this resistance training stuff. And I alternated between really psyched to get to train on Monday with Marianne and scared. Now I am sure you might wonder, why in the world I would be scared. Well for starters what if I could not do this. What if I was just not able to do it. What if she realized I was a fitness pretender and did not belong in the world of the fit. And what about when I actually went and there were other fit people what would they think of this obviously unfit person entering their world.
I needed to stop thinking so much. This is not Junior High School where we say things to others and don't realize their consequences and how they affect others. I mean I still get sick at my stomach thinking about 7th and 8th grade Gym Class and how mean some of the girls were to me. I am sure they never knew how much some of their comments hurt. And I know I should get over it all these years later, but you know there is this part of me that still believes they were right. I think as women we internalize so much of the stuff that happens to us and gets said to us, where as guys just let it roll off of their backs.
Also as I have said before people who are fit want every one to be fit. Because they know how important it is in the overall scheme of living. It affects every single aspect of your being. I am learning and continue to learn that no one is harder on me than me. And I think we are all like that, it is part of the baggage that comes along with being Female. And I am continually amazed at how other people see me as compared to how I see myself. I am thinking, gosh who is this great person you are describing, because that is not me and not how I feel about me. As women we need to take time to celebrate our strengths and assets instead of focusing on our perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. I have found that keeping a gratitude journal helps me focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.
So anyway I was having out of town company for the weekend. I was really looking forward to Auburn Ann coming for a visit. I love her dearly and even though I have not known her a long time we have shared some wonderful times and some hard times together. In fact we call our guest room Ann's Room because she has first dibs on it. I was so excited to see her as I had not seen her in 4 months. When I got home she was waiting for me. As soon as we unloaded her car we were off to Sam's for some food.
I had saved all of my WW Flex points for this weekend. I was not going over on my points but I was using them all up. We got chicken salad, cheese, crackers, salad and stuff to make quiche. We got home and had an early supper of chicken salad, cheese and crackers. And I used a lot of points. I was still drinking quite a bit of diet soft drinks as well and had not really wanted to up my consumption of water after all I was still losing weight.
Ann was excited to see my progress and she could tell how much weight I had lost. That is always an ego boost when people tell you they can see you have lost weight. I told her all about working about with Marianne and how excited I was to try this. And that I thought between the WW Online with my eating and getting some exercise I was going to really be able to lose the 100 lbs.
I told her I thought I was going to be able to do this resistance training and 15 minutes of Cardio. And who knows it might make me want to walk occasionally on my own. Also that I wanted to get back into playing tennis again I really missed the competitiveness of it. And doing something athletic. Ann was the Tennis Coach at the High School for several years so she knew where I was coming from. I think she might have said 3 times a week is a lot and a big commitment. I said well it is only 30 minute sessions. (Again, a person who knows about being fit is expressing concern about this, you would think I would have possibly caught on. But no.)
I told her I was sure it was doable as the first night was not bad at all. And I got to do the bike, I did not have to do the treadmill or the stair machine. And that they did not have all of that fancy equipment like I have seen through the windows at some of the gyms I have passed by.
Good thing attitude counts. Cause I might not have had a clue but I had a good attitude. Plus I needed to believe that somehow this time was going to be different than the last several times I have lost the weight only to put it back on.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
I needed to stop thinking so much. This is not Junior High School where we say things to others and don't realize their consequences and how they affect others. I mean I still get sick at my stomach thinking about 7th and 8th grade Gym Class and how mean some of the girls were to me. I am sure they never knew how much some of their comments hurt. And I know I should get over it all these years later, but you know there is this part of me that still believes they were right. I think as women we internalize so much of the stuff that happens to us and gets said to us, where as guys just let it roll off of their backs.
Also as I have said before people who are fit want every one to be fit. Because they know how important it is in the overall scheme of living. It affects every single aspect of your being. I am learning and continue to learn that no one is harder on me than me. And I think we are all like that, it is part of the baggage that comes along with being Female. And I am continually amazed at how other people see me as compared to how I see myself. I am thinking, gosh who is this great person you are describing, because that is not me and not how I feel about me. As women we need to take time to celebrate our strengths and assets instead of focusing on our perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. I have found that keeping a gratitude journal helps me focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.
So anyway I was having out of town company for the weekend. I was really looking forward to Auburn Ann coming for a visit. I love her dearly and even though I have not known her a long time we have shared some wonderful times and some hard times together. In fact we call our guest room Ann's Room because she has first dibs on it. I was so excited to see her as I had not seen her in 4 months. When I got home she was waiting for me. As soon as we unloaded her car we were off to Sam's for some food.
I had saved all of my WW Flex points for this weekend. I was not going over on my points but I was using them all up. We got chicken salad, cheese, crackers, salad and stuff to make quiche. We got home and had an early supper of chicken salad, cheese and crackers. And I used a lot of points. I was still drinking quite a bit of diet soft drinks as well and had not really wanted to up my consumption of water after all I was still losing weight.
Ann was excited to see my progress and she could tell how much weight I had lost. That is always an ego boost when people tell you they can see you have lost weight. I told her all about working about with Marianne and how excited I was to try this. And that I thought between the WW Online with my eating and getting some exercise I was going to really be able to lose the 100 lbs.
I told her I thought I was going to be able to do this resistance training and 15 minutes of Cardio. And who knows it might make me want to walk occasionally on my own. Also that I wanted to get back into playing tennis again I really missed the competitiveness of it. And doing something athletic. Ann was the Tennis Coach at the High School for several years so she knew where I was coming from. I think she might have said 3 times a week is a lot and a big commitment. I said well it is only 30 minute sessions. (Again, a person who knows about being fit is expressing concern about this, you would think I would have possibly caught on. But no.)
I told her I was sure it was doable as the first night was not bad at all. And I got to do the bike, I did not have to do the treadmill or the stair machine. And that they did not have all of that fancy equipment like I have seen through the windows at some of the gyms I have passed by.
Good thing attitude counts. Cause I might not have had a clue but I had a good attitude. Plus I needed to believe that somehow this time was going to be different than the last several times I have lost the weight only to put it back on.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Day After
Thankfully I was not super sore by any means. I felt it a little but not bad. I was definitely going back. I could do this resistance training and 15 minutes of Cardio. I mean how hard could it be. There was not all that complicated machinery in this Gym. It was like Gym Lite or the anti-gym or something. (That should have been a sign)
Some of my best adventures have come from uttering the phrase, "How hard can it be?" I have a friend, Cathy, who swears on my tombstone is going "Harder than it looks Miss Pam, harder than it looks." It is a wonder her husband, Ron, lets me in the door after the bathroom remodeling adventure at their house. Several years ago Cathy wanted to redo the bathrooms at her house. I had experience wallpapering, as I had wallpapered my whole house with the help of two of my friends. And it was all the rage at that time. Problem was we had to strip off the old wallpaper and pull up the floor in the bathroom. So we jumped in with both feet while Ron was at work. I am not sure she told him in advance what we were planning on doing. He worked from 3 to 11 as I recall. So he was in for a surprise when he came home that night, to bare walls and no carpet on the bathroom floor. There was some hideous linoleum under the carpet in the bathrooms as I recall. And we had to dispose of all this garbage we were creating. He was surprised but not really mad when he came home. And we got the new stuff up within the week. We had issues in the bathroom behind the toilet tank, thankfully Cathy had the foresight to keep me from attempting to take the toilet tank off. She has always been the voice of reason. We did some other smaller home improvement projects after that, but nothing that major and I am sure Ron is suspect when ever I come over to this day.
You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now about this stuff, but no and that is what is always amazing to me. Somehow I think the outcome will be different. I mean it is always a fun time and I at least get an amusing if not totally hilarious story or two out of my adventures. So I was still thinking how hard could this all be. I survived the 1st mini session.
When I got to work, Brandon had like 100 questions for me and I was happy to talk to him about it. I should have been suspicious when he kept saying. Just follow through with all of this, as we have a mutual friend who did they gym for 6 weeks then up and quit when it got hard. I said I was not doing that and if started to waiver in my determination to kick me in the butt and make me go and remind me how excited I was at this point in time. He was the only one besides Brad that I told about working with a personal trainer. I did not want lots of questions in case it did not work out or I did not follow through with it.
Plus I really needed to BELIEVE I could do this. I was miserable in my current state I hated that I had let myself get this big and so grossly out of shape. I had wanted to start playing tennis again, but I did not think I could drag my 220 lbs around on the court. And I knew that my blood pressure was running as high as it ever had and I did not want end up on blood pressure medicine when I could avoid it. I had a wake up call when I saw how bloated I looked in some professional pictures for our business. I looked like a whale. I did not know the person in those pictures.
I did not want to be that person and if I did not take control of my situation now, how much more weight was I going to gain. Another 10 lbs, another 20 lbs, when was it going to end and how much damage was I going to do to my health. These are the secrets I kept to myself and did not dare say out loud for fear they would come true. My husband Brad never really said anything about my weight. And I really did not ask him his opinion. I did say that I appreciated him not harping on it. His typically British response was, "I figure you see how overweight you are when you look in the mirror, I don't need to tell you the obvious." (Okay some of you are thinking where did I bury his parts, but he was not wrong so I could not be mad at him) I had not bothered to tell him I was approaching his weight and some days I am sure I weighed more than him. Talk about a wake up call and reality slamming you in the face, he is a good 6 or 7 inches taller than I am. But I had noticed he did not run his hand over my legs like he did when we were first married. I did not want to admit that it could be due to my weight, but it probably was and I never asked him, because I did not want to hear the answer. Not knowing, was much better than knowing and having to confront the truth. I was so unhappy and it was all my own doing.
And being so unhappy was affecting my whole life and my attitude towards everything. It made me feel like I was a failure, even though I seemed successful in my professional life, I felt like a failure. Why would anyone use me, I lacked self discipline to control my weight and my fitness. Why should they have confidence that my accounting abilities would be different. I don't know if this is what clients and potential clients thought but it is what I thought about me.
So I was hanging all my hopes and dreams on this resistance training working and my being able to do it. I really needed to believe it was the right thing for me and that it would be doable. I was desperate and if this did not work I did not know what would be next. This was kind of like my last resort. So I was over the moon about how nice Marianne was and how non judgemental she was. She said I was not the biggest person she had seen get fit. I was really really worried about being a whale in a sea of fit people and not fitting in at all. That is one thing that appealed to me about this place, there were never a ton of people in the gym at any one time. It is hard when you are struggling to do 5 of something and the person next to you is reeling of 25 of the same one with what seems like no effort. And in those times it is hard to remember they started out where you did. All you can see is I am this low and they are this high.
(If anyone else identifies with this. Know that your trainer is there to help you achieve your goals no matter what your current fitness level is. They don't seem to concentrate on where you are not but on how to get you to where you want to be.)
It was Thursday and due to out of town company I could not train with Marianne until Monday, 4 days for me to think about could I do this and would I do it. I never really thought about not doing it. I mean so far it had been a fabulous experience, no treadmill, not a lot of pain, no fancy machines. I mean this was pretty easy so far. How much harder could it get? It was just resistance training and cardio.
Stay tuned.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Some of my best adventures have come from uttering the phrase, "How hard can it be?" I have a friend, Cathy, who swears on my tombstone is going "Harder than it looks Miss Pam, harder than it looks." It is a wonder her husband, Ron, lets me in the door after the bathroom remodeling adventure at their house. Several years ago Cathy wanted to redo the bathrooms at her house. I had experience wallpapering, as I had wallpapered my whole house with the help of two of my friends. And it was all the rage at that time. Problem was we had to strip off the old wallpaper and pull up the floor in the bathroom. So we jumped in with both feet while Ron was at work. I am not sure she told him in advance what we were planning on doing. He worked from 3 to 11 as I recall. So he was in for a surprise when he came home that night, to bare walls and no carpet on the bathroom floor. There was some hideous linoleum under the carpet in the bathrooms as I recall. And we had to dispose of all this garbage we were creating. He was surprised but not really mad when he came home. And we got the new stuff up within the week. We had issues in the bathroom behind the toilet tank, thankfully Cathy had the foresight to keep me from attempting to take the toilet tank off. She has always been the voice of reason. We did some other smaller home improvement projects after that, but nothing that major and I am sure Ron is suspect when ever I come over to this day.
You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now about this stuff, but no and that is what is always amazing to me. Somehow I think the outcome will be different. I mean it is always a fun time and I at least get an amusing if not totally hilarious story or two out of my adventures. So I was still thinking how hard could this all be. I survived the 1st mini session.
When I got to work, Brandon had like 100 questions for me and I was happy to talk to him about it. I should have been suspicious when he kept saying. Just follow through with all of this, as we have a mutual friend who did they gym for 6 weeks then up and quit when it got hard. I said I was not doing that and if started to waiver in my determination to kick me in the butt and make me go and remind me how excited I was at this point in time. He was the only one besides Brad that I told about working with a personal trainer. I did not want lots of questions in case it did not work out or I did not follow through with it.
Plus I really needed to BELIEVE I could do this. I was miserable in my current state I hated that I had let myself get this big and so grossly out of shape. I had wanted to start playing tennis again, but I did not think I could drag my 220 lbs around on the court. And I knew that my blood pressure was running as high as it ever had and I did not want end up on blood pressure medicine when I could avoid it. I had a wake up call when I saw how bloated I looked in some professional pictures for our business. I looked like a whale. I did not know the person in those pictures.
I did not want to be that person and if I did not take control of my situation now, how much more weight was I going to gain. Another 10 lbs, another 20 lbs, when was it going to end and how much damage was I going to do to my health. These are the secrets I kept to myself and did not dare say out loud for fear they would come true. My husband Brad never really said anything about my weight. And I really did not ask him his opinion. I did say that I appreciated him not harping on it. His typically British response was, "I figure you see how overweight you are when you look in the mirror, I don't need to tell you the obvious." (Okay some of you are thinking where did I bury his parts, but he was not wrong so I could not be mad at him) I had not bothered to tell him I was approaching his weight and some days I am sure I weighed more than him. Talk about a wake up call and reality slamming you in the face, he is a good 6 or 7 inches taller than I am. But I had noticed he did not run his hand over my legs like he did when we were first married. I did not want to admit that it could be due to my weight, but it probably was and I never asked him, because I did not want to hear the answer. Not knowing, was much better than knowing and having to confront the truth. I was so unhappy and it was all my own doing.
And being so unhappy was affecting my whole life and my attitude towards everything. It made me feel like I was a failure, even though I seemed successful in my professional life, I felt like a failure. Why would anyone use me, I lacked self discipline to control my weight and my fitness. Why should they have confidence that my accounting abilities would be different. I don't know if this is what clients and potential clients thought but it is what I thought about me.
So I was hanging all my hopes and dreams on this resistance training working and my being able to do it. I really needed to believe it was the right thing for me and that it would be doable. I was desperate and if this did not work I did not know what would be next. This was kind of like my last resort. So I was over the moon about how nice Marianne was and how non judgemental she was. She said I was not the biggest person she had seen get fit. I was really really worried about being a whale in a sea of fit people and not fitting in at all. That is one thing that appealed to me about this place, there were never a ton of people in the gym at any one time. It is hard when you are struggling to do 5 of something and the person next to you is reeling of 25 of the same one with what seems like no effort. And in those times it is hard to remember they started out where you did. All you can see is I am this low and they are this high.
(If anyone else identifies with this. Know that your trainer is there to help you achieve your goals no matter what your current fitness level is. They don't seem to concentrate on where you are not but on how to get you to where you want to be.)
It was Thursday and due to out of town company I could not train with Marianne until Monday, 4 days for me to think about could I do this and would I do it. I never really thought about not doing it. I mean so far it had been a fabulous experience, no treadmill, not a lot of pain, no fancy machines. I mean this was pretty easy so far. How much harder could it get? It was just resistance training and cardio.
Stay tuned.
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Friday, September 11, 2009
First Time Visitors
Please Scroll all the way to the bottom and start with the About Me Post First. Or click on the left hand tree of posts and start with the oldest ones.
Also the comments are not working. I would love to hear your feedback, questions and or suggestions to make the blog better. So please email me at pbrown1533@gmail.com
Keep Fit
pam
Also the comments are not working. I would love to hear your feedback, questions and or suggestions to make the blog better. So please email me at pbrown1533@gmail.com
Keep Fit
pam
Monday, September 7, 2009
The First Night - Meeting Marianne
I awoke on Wednesday July 29th 2009 full of anticipation to meet Marianne. She was emailing me directions to the facility so I was all set. I am very directionally challenged but can follow directions.
The whole day I was watching the clock and counting down the time. The closer it got the more nervous I got. But I was not cancelling and it never crossed my mind until the very end. Brandon was so supportive of me and he was telling me he thought it would be a great place since I would not be intimidated by other people who were fitter than me already.
I planned to work a little late and go meet Marianne straight from work. I had put my workout clothes in my little bag that morning and had them in my car. I was all set, until I remembered that I might not have put socks in the bag, yep sure enough no socks. Trouble, I had to go home first before going to meet Marianne. I had time, disaster averted. I ran home it was not too far out of the way and changed clothes and got socks. I left in plenty of time to get to the Gym. I was calling Brandon for moral support. The closer I got to the place, the more anxious I felt. I was really worried that I would be the fattest person Marianne had ever seen, who wanted to train. And that there would be other people in there training who would look like they had been going to the Gym their entire lives. And I would be the outsider daring to enter their world. I thought fit people have this secret club and they don't admit us non fit.
(If you are reading this and you can totally identify with my last statement. Let me tell you that you are wrong. Fit people will welcome anyone into their world with open and very supportive arms. They want us all to be as fit as they are. I have received support from tons of people, but by far the most positive and supportive have been my friends who are fit and were athletes in High School and College. People I only talk to once a year or have not talked to in years have posted notes of encouragement on my facebook page. Others are checking in on me to see if I am staying on track. So much of what I thought other people thought about me was really a reflection of what I felt about me. Do not let what you feel about yourself and your current fitness level keep you from getting fit. It is never too late to change until you are in the ground. I did not really understand that. And I am still learning every day. Getting fit will totally change every facet of your life and attitude.)
I passed the place on the first go around. And on the second round I found the parking garage and a spot. Hey I was on my way. I started looking for the place. I had neglected to print out the email from Marianne so while I was at the right location I did not know which part of the Center it was located in.
I wandered around the center and was thinking man I am going to be winded and exhausted before I even find the place, that will make for a great first impression. I called Marianne on the phone to try and find the location. I think 3 calls later I found it. Now I had to go there was no chickening out now. The main door was locked so she met me at the door to let me in. She was so friendly and outgoing. She put me at ease instantly and hey great, the place had an elevator. Like we were going to take the elevator. How I even thought that, is totally hilarious and should have been then. She opened the door to the steps and up we went 2 flights. I was really worried about making it up to the 2nd floor. I hate stairs and take the elevator when ever possible. I really had not paid attention to where the stairs were, I was more concerned with surviving the stairs. (This would be key when it came time to leave).
I don't really know what I expected but this was not what I pictured it to be. It was this big room with equipment along the periphery and some mats more in the middle of the floor. Along the far wall the cardio equipment was located. Treadmills, a stair machine and yes a bike. Marianne really put me at ease. She was training another client and just gave me a stack of paper work to fill out while she finished up. It was quite extensive but nothing I would consider out of the ordinary. Name, Address, injuries, surgeries, waivers etc. I must say I am always a bit nervous to sign a waiver because you know they would not have you sign one if something could not happen. And being the anal retentive person that I am, I read every line.
After I filled out the paperwork and Marianne finished with her client, she came over and went over my paperwork. Then she asked me about my fitness goals and anything I had done in the past. She was very reassuring and so non judgemental. That was really huge for me. She was just nice. So we talked for a few minutes. She was thinking I should start with hour sessions, I said well I was thinking about starting out with the Half Hour Sessions and progressing to the Hours. She was on board with that. I asked her if we could go ahead and schedule the next 2 weeks out. I figured it I made a two week commitment up front that would lock me in and not let me wienie out. She instantly looked at her book and reeled off 6 appointments over the next 2 weeks. Okay that was not painful. I could do this. (Okay yes, I realize to this point all I have done is fill out paperwork and make appointments.)
So in my mind I am thinking time to go and Marianne says so you want to go ahead and get started tonight. Without thinking I said sure. She said let's start with some cardio, I said I really hate the treadmill. She had me with these words, then let's not do the treadmill, do you like the bike? I said I love the bike. She had won me over, NO TREADMILL, Brandon owes me, he said I would have to do the treadmill. (Spoiler alert - he will be right in the long run) I was on cloud 9 at this point.
She took me over to the bike and I got on and she programmed it. While I was riding we were talking and getting to know each other, you know like what I did for a living. I am a Certified Public Accountant and of course she had a tax question. Everyone always has a tax question for me, which is totally fine it always gives me an in and is an instant ice breaker. Plus it really put me at ease and made me not think about how long I was biking for. I am sure everyone has a fitness or health question for her. She did add a twist I was to keep the RPM's above 70 and I had I was talking. She had me bike for 11 minutes, not too terribly bad, hey that was almost the 15 minutes of cardio. I figured hey in a week or two I will be doing my 15 minutes. (Okay I admit it I am so Naive)
She also told me what a big step it was to just come in and meet with a trainer. She said people make appointments and stand her up for the initial appointment frequently. I said I could identify as people did that to me as well in my business. I said I had learned that if they demand an after hours first appointment or a weekend that they were not treating it like a real business and it was not important enough to them. So they usually stood me up, so I had stopped going out of my way for initial appointments. I bet she said it was a huge deal just to take the first step about 10 times in that first appointment.
Next I think we went and did this exercise where you sit on this big low table and then stand up while trying not to let your knees cross your toes. I am sure there is a name for these. There is a name for everything. They were challenging but not impossible. Hey this resistance stuff is not bad. I may actually be able to do this stuff.
We moved to that mats and did a repetition where I put my heels up on a little bench and lay on my back, then raised my butt off the ground while squeezing my butt cheeks together like I was trying to crack a walnut between them. I am sure these have a name as well. I am thinking we did one more other exercise but I can't remember what it was. If Marianne reads this maybe she will remember and comment, if she can stop laughing about how uninformed I am.
So that was it, not really bad at all, I felt like I would still be able to move tomorrow. Of course at this point I should have realized they don't kill you on the first lesson or you won't come back. Especially if you have ROOKIE written all over you. I had ROOKIE AND GULLIBLE written all over me. I needed to believe I could do this or I was probably not even going to try.
I have never been really athletic since I became a teenager. Maybe if I had made the basketball team in 8th Grade it would have been different, maybe not. I will never know and it is not something I dwell on. That was the last time I ever tried to make a team or pursue anything athletic until I became an adult. Now they have so many more opportunities for girls to play sports in Middle School and High School. Back then there was Basketball, Track and Field and Tennis. They added Softball I think when I was a Sophomore in High School, now they have Volleyball and Soccer and probably some others as well.
I left the gym feeling like I was going to be able to do this stuff. And that Marianne was going to help me reach my goals and realize my potential. As I left I realized I did not pay attention when we came up the stairs so I had no idea where to go. I found a staircase and took it, but it was the one that was more of an emergency one or service one I ended up outside at the back of the building. Turned around again. I managed to find the garage and my car. I was so excited to call Brandon and give him the scoop. He was totally up for it and so happy for me. And he counseled me to just not go a few times and quit. I said well I made appointments for the next 2 weeks so I could not quit. I got home and ate dinner and went to bed. It had been a Great day and I had taken a Giant step towards my goal of being fit, even if I did not realize it at the time.
The moral of this post is don't be afraid to try stuff that is scary to you or you think you may not be good at. Be afraid when you don't try those things. You might be like me and find out you can do stuff you never imagined you could do. Sure you are going to fail at stuff, but you are going to fail trying. You can't fail at stuff you never try, but you can't succeed either. I am 45 years old and I tried one of the scariest things I could think of and did not fail. (Evidently I am going to try all the others in the next year, according to Marianne)
Until next time Keep Fit!
pam
The whole day I was watching the clock and counting down the time. The closer it got the more nervous I got. But I was not cancelling and it never crossed my mind until the very end. Brandon was so supportive of me and he was telling me he thought it would be a great place since I would not be intimidated by other people who were fitter than me already.
I planned to work a little late and go meet Marianne straight from work. I had put my workout clothes in my little bag that morning and had them in my car. I was all set, until I remembered that I might not have put socks in the bag, yep sure enough no socks. Trouble, I had to go home first before going to meet Marianne. I had time, disaster averted. I ran home it was not too far out of the way and changed clothes and got socks. I left in plenty of time to get to the Gym. I was calling Brandon for moral support. The closer I got to the place, the more anxious I felt. I was really worried that I would be the fattest person Marianne had ever seen, who wanted to train. And that there would be other people in there training who would look like they had been going to the Gym their entire lives. And I would be the outsider daring to enter their world. I thought fit people have this secret club and they don't admit us non fit.
(If you are reading this and you can totally identify with my last statement. Let me tell you that you are wrong. Fit people will welcome anyone into their world with open and very supportive arms. They want us all to be as fit as they are. I have received support from tons of people, but by far the most positive and supportive have been my friends who are fit and were athletes in High School and College. People I only talk to once a year or have not talked to in years have posted notes of encouragement on my facebook page. Others are checking in on me to see if I am staying on track. So much of what I thought other people thought about me was really a reflection of what I felt about me. Do not let what you feel about yourself and your current fitness level keep you from getting fit. It is never too late to change until you are in the ground. I did not really understand that. And I am still learning every day. Getting fit will totally change every facet of your life and attitude.)
I passed the place on the first go around. And on the second round I found the parking garage and a spot. Hey I was on my way. I started looking for the place. I had neglected to print out the email from Marianne so while I was at the right location I did not know which part of the Center it was located in.
I wandered around the center and was thinking man I am going to be winded and exhausted before I even find the place, that will make for a great first impression. I called Marianne on the phone to try and find the location. I think 3 calls later I found it. Now I had to go there was no chickening out now. The main door was locked so she met me at the door to let me in. She was so friendly and outgoing. She put me at ease instantly and hey great, the place had an elevator. Like we were going to take the elevator. How I even thought that, is totally hilarious and should have been then. She opened the door to the steps and up we went 2 flights. I was really worried about making it up to the 2nd floor. I hate stairs and take the elevator when ever possible. I really had not paid attention to where the stairs were, I was more concerned with surviving the stairs. (This would be key when it came time to leave).
I don't really know what I expected but this was not what I pictured it to be. It was this big room with equipment along the periphery and some mats more in the middle of the floor. Along the far wall the cardio equipment was located. Treadmills, a stair machine and yes a bike. Marianne really put me at ease. She was training another client and just gave me a stack of paper work to fill out while she finished up. It was quite extensive but nothing I would consider out of the ordinary. Name, Address, injuries, surgeries, waivers etc. I must say I am always a bit nervous to sign a waiver because you know they would not have you sign one if something could not happen. And being the anal retentive person that I am, I read every line.
After I filled out the paperwork and Marianne finished with her client, she came over and went over my paperwork. Then she asked me about my fitness goals and anything I had done in the past. She was very reassuring and so non judgemental. That was really huge for me. She was just nice. So we talked for a few minutes. She was thinking I should start with hour sessions, I said well I was thinking about starting out with the Half Hour Sessions and progressing to the Hours. She was on board with that. I asked her if we could go ahead and schedule the next 2 weeks out. I figured it I made a two week commitment up front that would lock me in and not let me wienie out. She instantly looked at her book and reeled off 6 appointments over the next 2 weeks. Okay that was not painful. I could do this. (Okay yes, I realize to this point all I have done is fill out paperwork and make appointments.)
So in my mind I am thinking time to go and Marianne says so you want to go ahead and get started tonight. Without thinking I said sure. She said let's start with some cardio, I said I really hate the treadmill. She had me with these words, then let's not do the treadmill, do you like the bike? I said I love the bike. She had won me over, NO TREADMILL, Brandon owes me, he said I would have to do the treadmill. (Spoiler alert - he will be right in the long run) I was on cloud 9 at this point.
She took me over to the bike and I got on and she programmed it. While I was riding we were talking and getting to know each other, you know like what I did for a living. I am a Certified Public Accountant and of course she had a tax question. Everyone always has a tax question for me, which is totally fine it always gives me an in and is an instant ice breaker. Plus it really put me at ease and made me not think about how long I was biking for. I am sure everyone has a fitness or health question for her. She did add a twist I was to keep the RPM's above 70 and I had I was talking. She had me bike for 11 minutes, not too terribly bad, hey that was almost the 15 minutes of cardio. I figured hey in a week or two I will be doing my 15 minutes. (Okay I admit it I am so Naive)
She also told me what a big step it was to just come in and meet with a trainer. She said people make appointments and stand her up for the initial appointment frequently. I said I could identify as people did that to me as well in my business. I said I had learned that if they demand an after hours first appointment or a weekend that they were not treating it like a real business and it was not important enough to them. So they usually stood me up, so I had stopped going out of my way for initial appointments. I bet she said it was a huge deal just to take the first step about 10 times in that first appointment.
Next I think we went and did this exercise where you sit on this big low table and then stand up while trying not to let your knees cross your toes. I am sure there is a name for these. There is a name for everything. They were challenging but not impossible. Hey this resistance stuff is not bad. I may actually be able to do this stuff.
We moved to that mats and did a repetition where I put my heels up on a little bench and lay on my back, then raised my butt off the ground while squeezing my butt cheeks together like I was trying to crack a walnut between them. I am sure these have a name as well. I am thinking we did one more other exercise but I can't remember what it was. If Marianne reads this maybe she will remember and comment, if she can stop laughing about how uninformed I am.
So that was it, not really bad at all, I felt like I would still be able to move tomorrow. Of course at this point I should have realized they don't kill you on the first lesson or you won't come back. Especially if you have ROOKIE written all over you. I had ROOKIE AND GULLIBLE written all over me. I needed to believe I could do this or I was probably not even going to try.
I have never been really athletic since I became a teenager. Maybe if I had made the basketball team in 8th Grade it would have been different, maybe not. I will never know and it is not something I dwell on. That was the last time I ever tried to make a team or pursue anything athletic until I became an adult. Now they have so many more opportunities for girls to play sports in Middle School and High School. Back then there was Basketball, Track and Field and Tennis. They added Softball I think when I was a Sophomore in High School, now they have Volleyball and Soccer and probably some others as well.
I left the gym feeling like I was going to be able to do this stuff. And that Marianne was going to help me reach my goals and realize my potential. As I left I realized I did not pay attention when we came up the stairs so I had no idea where to go. I found a staircase and took it, but it was the one that was more of an emergency one or service one I ended up outside at the back of the building. Turned around again. I managed to find the garage and my car. I was so excited to call Brandon and give him the scoop. He was totally up for it and so happy for me. And he counseled me to just not go a few times and quit. I said well I made appointments for the next 2 weeks so I could not quit. I got home and ate dinner and went to bed. It had been a Great day and I had taken a Giant step towards my goal of being fit, even if I did not realize it at the time.
The moral of this post is don't be afraid to try stuff that is scary to you or you think you may not be good at. Be afraid when you don't try those things. You might be like me and find out you can do stuff you never imagined you could do. Sure you are going to fail at stuff, but you are going to fail trying. You can't fail at stuff you never try, but you can't succeed either. I am 45 years old and I tried one of the scariest things I could think of and did not fail. (Evidently I am going to try all the others in the next year, according to Marianne)
Until next time Keep Fit!
pam
How I Started This Time Part III
During the week of July 20th, I started having an epiphany about what I needed to do. I had talked to a friend online, Judy who had been to a personal trainer at the Y last fall and it had really helped her. I looked into the Y and thought about it, but it was kind of expensive and there is not one really close to me. And I was not sure they were open very late, they were open very early but not late. I have a fit friend who goes to classes at they Y at 5 am or 5:30 am. The only thing I like to see at that time of the morning is the insides of my eyelids. And I don't usually see that time of day unless it is from the going to bed side, certainly not the getting up side. I thought maybe I could take a Zumba class a friend of mine was starting to teach, but I was afraid those classes would kill me. I don't have that kind of physical conditioning and I never have had it really and was sure it was never going to happen. I went through many options in my mind crossing each one off for various and sundry reasons; too hard, too far, takes too much time, does not sound interesting you name it I am sure it crossed my mind.
I kept chatting with Judy, who had great with success with a Personal Trainer and she went on about how good it was for her and what a difference it made for her. On Sunday July 26th I decided for kicks to see if they have listings for personal trainers on Craig's List. I searched and sure enough they had several listings. I found an ad that looked nice and it was for 15 minutes of Cardiovascular and a 30 minutes of resistance training with a Personal Trainer in a private facility, no membership fees and it was in my price range. I figured cardiovascular must be the treadmill, stair climber, the elliptical machine I hear everyone raving about or maybe the stationary bike. I thought maybe it will be the bike, I have always loved to ride bikes. And you know resistance training sounded kind of neat, I mean at least it wasn't weights and the machines. It was not exercise it was training, you know like the French Resistance during World War II. It did not sound like a hard workout. I went to their website and they did not have a ton of fancy equipment like the Gyms I had seen before. They had some barbells and some big balls and some other stuff I did not know the name of not your typical gym. And it seemed like they had a totally different approach to getting fit. Hey I was up for different and no hard work, sign me up. For some reason in my mind I was thinking resistance training was those exercises I did in Physical Therapy with the big rubber bands to rehab my shoulder. I did that before, so I could probably do it again. And I was sure they really did not start you out at the full 15 minutes of Cardio and the entire 30 minute workout, I was sure you eased into it. I went to their website and submitted a contact me form. I was on my way to getting in shape.
I got a call on my cell phone pretty soon after I submitted my form, but I missed it so I figured I would wait until he called back. A different guy called back the next day and we finally connected on Monday. He was really nice and friendly and out going. He did a little mini interview with me on the phone about my fitness level, goals and what I had been doing for exercise thus far.
Fitness level - basically none.
What did I do for exercise - nothing
Hey these were easy questions, so far so good and he had not laughed at me or chided me for being out of shape.
Goals - well I had been thinking about how I would define being fit. I had decided that if I could put the palms of my hands on the floor from bending over at my waist I would be fit. I always wanted to be able to do a pull up or chin up. I had always wanted definition in my legs, I have always suffered from Fat Calves, but you know I have a friend who has these really muscular legs and I have always wanted legs like that. I really thought you were just born with them and with my luck of the draw I got fat calves. (I now realize she has worked on her fitness her entire life and that is the payoff.) I wanted to get rid of my old lady arms. You know the flabby skin you have on your upper arm that when you move your arm it keeps going long after you stop. It reminds me of jello you know watch it wiggle see it jiggle. I had such bad ones I was afraid I was going to injure someone cheering at the hockey games. I have also been embarrassed to wear sleeveless tops for years and will only wear short sleeve shirts when it is totally necessary or extremely hot.
We talked for about 5 minutes and I explained that while I was doing gang busters on WW Online I thought I needed to add a fitness component or exercise component to fully realize my goals. We discussed when I wanted to train. I told him after work was best for me as I was not a morning person and was not interested in becoming one. And that I had expanded my goal from just losing weight to getting fit.
He said that he has a trainer in mind and that he would talk to her and have her give me a call to arrange a meeting. It all sounded so benign and fun. I was thinking hey this will be the key to my success - resistance training and a little cardio. I got a call from Marianne, the trainer he paired me up with on Tuesday July 28th as I recall. She sounded really nice on the phone and she offered me 2 options for meeting Wednesday at 8:30 pm or Thursday at 8:00 pm. After quickly thinking it over I decided on Wednesday, because on Thursday, Burn Notice and Royal Pains come on TV and I really hated to miss them. So I had a time and a place to start getting fit.
I was not really telling anyone but Brandon about goint to a personal trainer at this point and only because I needed a confidant and a supporter. Brandon works with me and he is very athletic. He played College Basketball in the OVC at Tennessee Tech and then at Cumberland University. He is always going to the Gym and working out and is in really good shape.
He was really happy for me and he was telling me to just do it. Just go for it and see where it would take me. I am sure he knew what resistance training was, but I never asked him. He is always talking about working on his legs or his abs or shoulders. I was pretty sure I did not want that kind of work out and was really glad I was not going to be doing that stuff. He thought it would be good that it was private because he knows how I am about stuff. So we were on the countdown a little over 24 hours and I would meet Marianne.
Until next time Keep Fit
pam
I kept chatting with Judy, who had great with success with a Personal Trainer and she went on about how good it was for her and what a difference it made for her. On Sunday July 26th I decided for kicks to see if they have listings for personal trainers on Craig's List. I searched and sure enough they had several listings. I found an ad that looked nice and it was for 15 minutes of Cardiovascular and a 30 minutes of resistance training with a Personal Trainer in a private facility, no membership fees and it was in my price range. I figured cardiovascular must be the treadmill, stair climber, the elliptical machine I hear everyone raving about or maybe the stationary bike. I thought maybe it will be the bike, I have always loved to ride bikes. And you know resistance training sounded kind of neat, I mean at least it wasn't weights and the machines. It was not exercise it was training, you know like the French Resistance during World War II. It did not sound like a hard workout. I went to their website and they did not have a ton of fancy equipment like the Gyms I had seen before. They had some barbells and some big balls and some other stuff I did not know the name of not your typical gym. And it seemed like they had a totally different approach to getting fit. Hey I was up for different and no hard work, sign me up. For some reason in my mind I was thinking resistance training was those exercises I did in Physical Therapy with the big rubber bands to rehab my shoulder. I did that before, so I could probably do it again. And I was sure they really did not start you out at the full 15 minutes of Cardio and the entire 30 minute workout, I was sure you eased into it. I went to their website and submitted a contact me form. I was on my way to getting in shape.
I got a call on my cell phone pretty soon after I submitted my form, but I missed it so I figured I would wait until he called back. A different guy called back the next day and we finally connected on Monday. He was really nice and friendly and out going. He did a little mini interview with me on the phone about my fitness level, goals and what I had been doing for exercise thus far.
Fitness level - basically none.
What did I do for exercise - nothing
Hey these were easy questions, so far so good and he had not laughed at me or chided me for being out of shape.
Goals - well I had been thinking about how I would define being fit. I had decided that if I could put the palms of my hands on the floor from bending over at my waist I would be fit. I always wanted to be able to do a pull up or chin up. I had always wanted definition in my legs, I have always suffered from Fat Calves, but you know I have a friend who has these really muscular legs and I have always wanted legs like that. I really thought you were just born with them and with my luck of the draw I got fat calves. (I now realize she has worked on her fitness her entire life and that is the payoff.) I wanted to get rid of my old lady arms. You know the flabby skin you have on your upper arm that when you move your arm it keeps going long after you stop. It reminds me of jello you know watch it wiggle see it jiggle. I had such bad ones I was afraid I was going to injure someone cheering at the hockey games. I have also been embarrassed to wear sleeveless tops for years and will only wear short sleeve shirts when it is totally necessary or extremely hot.
We talked for about 5 minutes and I explained that while I was doing gang busters on WW Online I thought I needed to add a fitness component or exercise component to fully realize my goals. We discussed when I wanted to train. I told him after work was best for me as I was not a morning person and was not interested in becoming one. And that I had expanded my goal from just losing weight to getting fit.
He said that he has a trainer in mind and that he would talk to her and have her give me a call to arrange a meeting. It all sounded so benign and fun. I was thinking hey this will be the key to my success - resistance training and a little cardio. I got a call from Marianne, the trainer he paired me up with on Tuesday July 28th as I recall. She sounded really nice on the phone and she offered me 2 options for meeting Wednesday at 8:30 pm or Thursday at 8:00 pm. After quickly thinking it over I decided on Wednesday, because on Thursday, Burn Notice and Royal Pains come on TV and I really hated to miss them. So I had a time and a place to start getting fit.
I was not really telling anyone but Brandon about goint to a personal trainer at this point and only because I needed a confidant and a supporter. Brandon works with me and he is very athletic. He played College Basketball in the OVC at Tennessee Tech and then at Cumberland University. He is always going to the Gym and working out and is in really good shape.
He was really happy for me and he was telling me to just do it. Just go for it and see where it would take me. I am sure he knew what resistance training was, but I never asked him. He is always talking about working on his legs or his abs or shoulders. I was pretty sure I did not want that kind of work out and was really glad I was not going to be doing that stuff. He thought it would be good that it was private because he knows how I am about stuff. So we were on the countdown a little over 24 hours and I would meet Marianne.
Until next time Keep Fit
pam
How I Started This Time Part II
Week 3 came and I still was not making myself do any exercise of any kind. I am pretty sure patting myself on the back for a good job losing weight is not burning any significant calories. I was really not thinking about walking and was not feeling the least bit like I was missing anything at all. I toyed with the idea of getting on the LifeShaper sitting across from me up here in my office at home, but never actually made myself get on it. But when I got on the scales on Monday July 13th I had lost another 2 lbs Woo Hoo. I was really losing weight and not struggling with my food really.
Well, heading into week 4 I started to crave stuff and had some bad days. I had injured my thumb falling on some stairs back the first part of June and I was having problems with my whole hand swelling and pain. I had been going to the Dr about it for about 3 weeks already and had just now gotten a concrete diagnosis. Partially torn ligament in my thumb, luckily surgery was not needed and I got a very small brace that did not limit my mobility much. A nice change after the previous 2 braces I had been in. But I was feeling down about having to wear it indefinitely and at that point it was still keeping me up at night aching. I had 3 different types of pain medications and they all had their pros and cons. Anything with Codeine in it does not put me to sleep it totally wires me and keeps me wide awake, so while the pain might subside sleep is usually not an option. The other one took the edge off most of the but did really did not stop it. The 3rd one was an anti-inflammatory that I was to take for 60 days to reduce the swelling. Because of fatigue and wanting to reward myself for being so good, I started using all of my points on WW Online. I had a McDonald's Sundae 2 times that week and ate at McDonald's a total of 3 times. I did not go over my points allotment for the week but I used as many points as I had ever used. Still no exercise or increase in my physical activity to this point.
When it came time to weigh in on July 20th I only lost 1 lb but, hey it was still a loss. Well from that week my eating just became awful from a nutrition stand point and there was no balance in my diet at all. I was not eating more points than I was allowed but I was not eating all the foods I should be eating. I was having pretzels, crackers and butter and a Sundae all in one day. I did dip into my Flexible points that day. I was also increasing my visits to McDonald's as well and that really just has disaster written all over it. I was happy I was losing weight, but I knew in my heart I was not doing it correctly and I did not want to fail again.
I was having an internal conflict about what to do. I started really talking to people I knew who had lost weight and kept it off. Everyone had lost the weight a different way, but they had all exercised, regularly and vigorously. I was trying to wrap my mind around making myself exercise and regularly at that. Not just once every week or so, but like every day, I mean 6 days a week, 52 weeks a year it was unfathomable to me that I could make myself do it. I really could not see myself actually walking for 6 days in a row.
I started looking at those exercise regimens that promise to make you fit and skinny on only 10 minutes of exercise 3 or 4 times a week. Now that was my kind of program, not too much time, not a big commitment on my part. It had EASY BUTTON written all over it. I so wanted an EASY BUTTON, you know like in the Staples advertisements. I did not want losing weight to be hard, I was a sissy. I was so trying to fool myself into believing that it could be really easy and painless. You know because everything in life you get that is worth anything or means anything is easy and painless....NOT. Everything in life you get that means anything is hard work and I knew it, but I did not want to admit it to myself. I could not face reality. I was delusional and only fooling myself.
Too be continued...
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Well, heading into week 4 I started to crave stuff and had some bad days. I had injured my thumb falling on some stairs back the first part of June and I was having problems with my whole hand swelling and pain. I had been going to the Dr about it for about 3 weeks already and had just now gotten a concrete diagnosis. Partially torn ligament in my thumb, luckily surgery was not needed and I got a very small brace that did not limit my mobility much. A nice change after the previous 2 braces I had been in. But I was feeling down about having to wear it indefinitely and at that point it was still keeping me up at night aching. I had 3 different types of pain medications and they all had their pros and cons. Anything with Codeine in it does not put me to sleep it totally wires me and keeps me wide awake, so while the pain might subside sleep is usually not an option. The other one took the edge off most of the but did really did not stop it. The 3rd one was an anti-inflammatory that I was to take for 60 days to reduce the swelling. Because of fatigue and wanting to reward myself for being so good, I started using all of my points on WW Online. I had a McDonald's Sundae 2 times that week and ate at McDonald's a total of 3 times. I did not go over my points allotment for the week but I used as many points as I had ever used. Still no exercise or increase in my physical activity to this point.
When it came time to weigh in on July 20th I only lost 1 lb but, hey it was still a loss. Well from that week my eating just became awful from a nutrition stand point and there was no balance in my diet at all. I was not eating more points than I was allowed but I was not eating all the foods I should be eating. I was having pretzels, crackers and butter and a Sundae all in one day. I did dip into my Flexible points that day. I was also increasing my visits to McDonald's as well and that really just has disaster written all over it. I was happy I was losing weight, but I knew in my heart I was not doing it correctly and I did not want to fail again.
I was having an internal conflict about what to do. I started really talking to people I knew who had lost weight and kept it off. Everyone had lost the weight a different way, but they had all exercised, regularly and vigorously. I was trying to wrap my mind around making myself exercise and regularly at that. Not just once every week or so, but like every day, I mean 6 days a week, 52 weeks a year it was unfathomable to me that I could make myself do it. I really could not see myself actually walking for 6 days in a row.
I started looking at those exercise regimens that promise to make you fit and skinny on only 10 minutes of exercise 3 or 4 times a week. Now that was my kind of program, not too much time, not a big commitment on my part. It had EASY BUTTON written all over it. I so wanted an EASY BUTTON, you know like in the Staples advertisements. I did not want losing weight to be hard, I was a sissy. I was so trying to fool myself into believing that it could be really easy and painless. You know because everything in life you get that is worth anything or means anything is easy and painless....NOT. Everything in life you get that means anything is hard work and I knew it, but I did not want to admit it to myself. I could not face reality. I was delusional and only fooling myself.
Too be continued...
Until next time Keep Fit.
pam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
